A Matter of the Heart
by Learninghowtofly
Summary: LilyxJames sonfic Motorcycle Drive by. I think it's really cute but you don't have to agree. It's got a scene in the rain if that helps. Basically my opinion on how they got together.


A/N: The song is : Motorcycle Drive By. I know I'm supposed to dislike oneshots and songfics but I couldn't help but write this. I have an old copy where every single line of the song matches perfectly with the story but I lost it. So I had to rewrite it. End of story.

Disclaimer: I disclaim anything you think/know you can sue me for.

* * *

Lily ditched her friends at the entrance of the Hogs Head. Only a few minutes before, she had seen an unmistakable foursome through the windows and had no intention of joining them. Which she would have had to, sooner or later. Whether it would be her friends who zeroed in on the boys or the other way around, it made no difference.

As it was, she could hardly blame her friends for wanting to join them. Sweet, quiet Claire had an unrequited love for Remus, who wasn't half bad compared to his friends; Astriella, on the other hand, was best friends with all of them (okay, maybe not Peter) and was closer to Sirius than she was with Lily (Lily could deal with that. People were allowed to have other friends. Lily, herself, had had Severus up until the incident.); and then Alice's Frank was probably sitting with them too.

She too, thought Lily as she headed through the streets of Hogsmeade back to Hogwarts, would have given in and been sitting with them inside the warm building had James Potter not existed. Potter. The very name made her boil with anger. He had apparently thought that after three years of being teased by him and his pack, she would be jumping with joy to go out with him.

Well, the shock had definitely hit him like cold water. Must be fun to think you have everyone waiting on you hand and foot, and then getting a reality check. It had been satisfying, Lily admitted, to let Potter know what it felt like to be broken.

What it felt like to cry.

Nevertheless, Lily Evans would never confess, not even to herself, that the time she had felt the most devastated in her whole life was when she had seen James hurt by her words so badly he couldn't stand.

_**Summer time and the wind is blowing outside**_

Was that a raindrop? Oh joy, she might as well die of hypothermia right now.

_**In lower Chelsea **_

Could the day get any worse?

_**And I don't know what I'm doing in this city **_

Lily heard her name being called and turned to see a familiar figure racing towards her.

_**The sun is always in my eyes **_

Apparently, it could. As the muggle saying goes: you think you've hit bottom and then somebody throws you a shovel.

_**It crashes through the windows **_

"Hello Potter. It's Evans to you." Lily told him coldly as the boy caught up to her easily. Damn that Quidditch.

_**And I'm sleeping on the couch**_

"Ree told me you decided to head back to the castle and I just wanted to make sure that you were okay." He was unfazed by her obvious dislike of him. He'd been dealing with it for years now.

_**When I came to visit you **_

"I'm fine. Is that all you wanted to say?" Astriella, you traitor.

_**That's when I knew **_

"Not everything." James admitted. "But I suppose it would be pointless to ask you to the Halloween Ball. Right?" Even after his experience of constant rejections, he had an almost half-crazed flicker of hope in his eyes as he said the last part.

_**That I could never have you **_

"Potter, I wouldn't go out with you if the giant squid was the only other candidate." However, her protest was tired and lacked its usual ferocity just as the light in his eyes was dimmer. They were both being worn out by this old routine and they knew it.

_**I knew that before you did **_

Lily liked to think that the whole thing was James's fault.

_**Still I'm the one who's stupid**_

James liked to think that it was the unfairness of life.

_**And there's this burning **_

He had really liked her.

_**Like there's always been **_

Ever since the beginning.

_**I've never been so alone **_

She was beautiful, funny, smart, and kind to everyone. Except him. And Sirius. But mostly him.

_**And I've **_

One day he'd seen her, helping out a couple first years on their way to Care of Magical Creatures. A completely ordinary Lily thing to do really, but at the end she flashed a smile that imprinted itself in his mind forever.

_**Never been so alive **_

That was the day, he had realized how hopelessly in love he was with Lily Evans.

Later on that day, (with the help of his friends) he also realized what a hopelessly lost cause it was.

_**Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by **_

She had never quite understood why he bothered her so much. It's because he made your and Severus's life miserable up until 4th year, she told herself. Because of the way: he never takes responsibility; pulls pranks; and has an immature, and high and mighty attitude. Because its so annoying how he always runs his hand through his hair that makes it look like he just got off a broom. Because he's a toerag.

_**The cigarette ash flies in your eyes and you don't mind**_

If so then why did none of these explanations sound right? Not even to her ears.

_**You smile**_

It wasn't as if he wasn't good looking. No, James Potter had fan girls for a reason.

_**And say the world it doesn't fit with you **_

She had even had a crush on him once but she rather die than say so. Back in first year, before all the bullying and humiliating had took its toll.

There had been something about that boy with the glasses and messy hair.

_**I don't believe you**_

But there was no way she would fall for him again. She was more careful now.

_**You're so serene **_

Lily looked up and realized that he had been staring at her with a small smirk upon his lips and amusement in his deep hazel eyes.

She also realized that she couldn't stand walking here beside him any longer. It was too easy to start to trust those beautiful eyes. To drop her guard. To let him hurt her again.

_**Careening through the universe **_

Muttering a muffled "see ya" she took off into the nearest alley knowing as she did so how childish it was to run but unable to do anything else. Her unreasonable departure probably finally extinguished any hope he had but that wasn't really her problem.

_**Your axis on a tilt **_

Damn, a dead end. Well, there was no way she'd injure her pride and go back to him. She'd just wait here dry under the eaves of a roof until he passed. She craned her neck to see if he was gone yet.

_**You're guiltless and free **_

Nope, he was just standing there in the middle of the road with his head tipped up and his arms spread open wide as if to catch the falling rain. What the heck was he doing?

_**I hope you take a piece of me with you **_

His mouth moved and he began to speak. Snatches of sentences were carried by the wind to her ears.

_**And there's things I'd like to do **_

"…I love her. I really do. I'd do anything for her…"

Lily listened attentively. He couldn't be talking about her could he?

_**That you don't believe in **_

"…I tell her how beautiful she is every single day… I don't think she believes me…"

Okay, James Potter is officially wacked. He's talking to the rain.

_**I would like to build something **_

"Once upon a time, I used to think that maybe she fall for me too."

_**But you'll never see it happen **_

"Although, it's probably more likely for Voldemort to be beat by a two year old than for that to happen." James chuckled.

_**And there's this burning **_

"…It's funny how you take everything for granted when you're young. Your parents, your life, your friends, that everything's going to turn out perfectly because, well, it has to...."

With real regret and sympathy, Lily remembered the painful deaths of Mr. and Mrs. Potter. He had never quite recovered from it.

_**Like there's always been **_

"…And yet, I would give everything up for one thing...."

Okay, he's got to be joking now. But to whom? Himself?

_**I've never been so alone **_

"…I wonder if she knows what she looks like when she smiles, how her hair shines a coppery red in the sunlight, that every time I look into her emerald eyes, I stop breathing…"

Lily had never felt more like an intruder in her life, not even when she had read Petunia's diary. However, for the same reason she had run away earlier, she couldn't tear herself away. She was mesmerized.

_**And I've **_

"If she does, I don't really mind because I still get to see her every day and that's enough for me."

It wasn't exactly what she expected from him. It was (omg she couldn't believe she was thinking this) kinda sweet.

_**I've never been so alive**_

"…I guess I don't have a chance since every thing she's ever told me is usually a death threat or a promise of some painful torture."

Too true, thought Lily, wondering why she suddenly wished this wasn't the case.

_**And there's this burning**_

"And she probably called me every possible insult and said every putdown line in the book." More chuckles.

_**There is this burning**_

"But I'll never give up."

_**(Yeaa)**_

"That's right world! I love Lily Evans!"

_**Where's the soul I want to know **_

To say Lily was shell-shocked would be like saying that the world exploding right now would be inconvenient.

_**New York City is evil **_

Sure, he always told her that he loved her right before he asked her out. He didn't really though, right? That would be almost as ridiculous as the thought of Sirius settling down. James Potter actually liking someone? Ha!

_**The surface is everything **_

Maybe he's always liked someone, a little voice in the back of her head told her. Maybe he's always loved you, the same voice said.

_**But I could never do that **_

Maybe it's you who hadn't wanted to notice. Because then you might start to trust someone. To believe in someone again. And you're scared of losing them again. Of spreading yourself on the floor, completely vulnerable. Too scared to step out of your shell into the daylight.

_**Someone would see through that **_

Shut up, Lily told the voice. I don't need anyone. They'll just leave.

_**And this is the last time **_

Well at least one thing was for sure.

_**We'll be friends again **_

She would never be able to look at James Potter in the same light again.

_**And I'll get over you **_

She peeked around the corner of the building again but he was gone.

_**And you'll wonder who I am **_

Oh well, she sighed. Why should she care? She hated him. Why should she be disappointed he had already left?

_**And there's this burning, **_

Yeah he'll leave, Lily thought grimly, just like the rest of them with their silky, see-through promises.

_**Just like there's always been **_

She was better off by herself. She could trust herself. Most of the time. Even though right now it felt like her mind was betraying her common sense.

_**I've never been so alone, alone **_

Petunia had always been there for her, until she found out that Lily was a witch. She had thought that Sev-no-Snape was her best friend but she had been wrong. And she had loved her parents with everything she had but they had been killed by wizards, or her kind as Petty put it.

_**And I've, and I've **_

She started to trudge back to the school, through the mud. She was a much more skeptical person now.

_**I've never been so alive**_

Why then did James make her feel like she could believe him?

_**So alive **_

Why?

* * *

SCENE CHANGE: Hogwarts, Gryffindor common room, a chair by the fireplace

_**I go home to the coast it starts to rain I paddle out on the water **_

Lily stared into the fire in the same manner she had been doing since she had plunked herself down beside two hours ago.

_**Alone **_

Her friends were off doing other things and common room was sparse except for Sirius and Remus playing exploding snap at the other end of the room.

_**Taste the salt and taste the pain**_

She should be doing homework. She shouldn't be just sitting around here.

_**I'm not thinking of you again**_

She kept seeing a face in the embers. A face she was trying to forget. One that was turned upwards in the falling rain.

_**Summer dies and swells rise **_

She felt regret and her conscience was telling her she should apologize, for everything.

_**The sun goes down in my eyes **_

Something she should have done a long time ago.

_**See this rolling wave **_

Maybe it was time to let someone in. Let someone see her for. Stop hiding in the shadows.

_**Darkly coming **_

A time for second chances.

_**To take me **_

One for her and one for him.

_**Home**_

"Hey Sirius," Lily turned to tell the playboy something she thought she'd never get to say. "Tell James, that if the offer still stands, I'd love to go to the dance with him."

_**And I never been so alone **_

Sirius's first expression was shocked but then it turned into a smile. "Sure," he said as he went to go tell his best mate something he never thought he'd get to say.

Oh yeah, he also now owed Astriella ten galleons.

_**And I've never been so alive**_

And from one of the Gryffindor boys dormitories, a boy let out an ecstatic cry.

"YESSSSSS!"

_**So alive…**_

He really did love her.

* * *

A/N: It's cute.

And I love it.

So sorry if you don't.

Btw if you don't know who Astriella is then start reading my other fic. It will explain and complicate things.

I like this story because kind of reminds me of someone I hated in elementary school. Well except for the falling in love part.

Man I did some mean things to that kid. And I've always wished I could apologize. Don't have the guts to, unfortunately.

So this is kind of my secret redemption


End file.
